so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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