You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
