Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
COCAINE IS GR8
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
