I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
