I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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