i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Watching her eat just hurts me
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
