I think i sorta joined a cult last night
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
