A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
