they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
