I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
