I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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