I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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