What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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