i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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