He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
