I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I need to stop coming to work sober
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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