come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
