Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
