oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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