i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
