Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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