turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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