he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
