Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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