there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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