Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
