she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
