Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
