he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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