He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
