Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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