i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
