i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
