i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
