You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
