She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
