Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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