your thong is hanging out like whoa
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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