i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just found puke in my bra..
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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