dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
