it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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