She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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