I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
