its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
