maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
