4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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