Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
