I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
