speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
