my mouth tastes like poor choices
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
