so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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