i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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